". . .I told Bill that if, if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while she's, while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating. . ." – Milton Waddams
Headphones
My first portable music player was a Sony Walkman. Space gray with a big belt clip and a headphone that was positively delicate compared to the heavy clamshells of my Dad's stereo. Twelve-year-old me loads the tape deck with Iron Maiden, hooks it to my Op short's belt loop, and mows the lawn. Glorious.
It was funny to give the headphones to my Dad because he would listen for a bit and then say something like, "The sound is so CLEAR," and we'd all bust out laughing because he was using his outside voice. To this day, when I am wearing my thoroughly modern AirPods I'll turn to my bride and use my outside voice. It annoys her to no end and makes me laugh.
I wear these new headphones to help the time pass when, say, mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, or partaking in my little home improvement projects. Just this week I was using them while setting up my sawhorses, attaching my saw track to a board, and attempting to cut a straight line. I bought this track to help because my old method, using a straight edge and clamps, tends to shift at the end of my cut. Luckily, the Home Depot had a $100 solution for me.
Since it was a nice evening, I decide to use my new tool in the backyard. I go to a flat spot, attach the track to this board, measure twice, clamp the track down, and proceed to separate the good part of the board from the bad part. Right at the end of my cut this $100 track does something to make me mad. It shifts. Exactly what it is not supposed to do.
Exploding in my brain is a series of expletives honed from years of absorbing the classic swears of my father mixed with the more modern swears of my brother-in-law, UFB. Both expert swearers in their own right.
As I stand with the music blaring, contemplating my slightly askew cut, I turn to see my young neighbor playing in his backyard with the dog Luna. He is looking at me, holding a crinkly raccoon toy. Actually, Luna is looking at me too.
I double-tap my headphone to pause the music. "Did I say that out loud?" I say to the pair. It's like I break a spell, because without missing a beat the boy and his dog go right back to playing wrestle-fetch.
I definitely said it out loud.
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